I think we have made a lot of progress as far as Jinbao getting used to me being his mom. When adopting an older child I think it is a little harder to find ways to facilitate bonding. With a baby or toddler you have to feed them and care for their needs which also gives you a chance to hold them and cuddle with them. Makenna was 5 when she joined our family and she was also very cuddly anyway. I could also do things like brush her hair and hold her when swimming. But a boy of almost 12 is already very independent and doesn't want to be helped. Also, for me it feels a little strange to have this grown boy I just met and cannot communicate with suddenly become my son after signing a few papers. Sure we have been doing all this paperwork for a year and looking at his picture yearning for him to come home, but when the moment happens it can feel very awkward for us all. It has been a little challenging to find ways to help him learn to trust me. However, we have gone from him wiping off every single accidental touch from me to sitting on my lap in the pool. He seems to look forward to me tucking him in at night and every time I turn around he is trying to get me to look at something he has learned to do. I think it helped that Andrew went back to work and Jinbao was home with the kids and I. Seeing them interact with me gives him a chance to see me being caring with them (and I see him watching intently). Not having Andrew to depend on for translation has made us figure out how to communicate with each other. Another thing that I think has helped is that now we are eating at home, so I am cooking the meals (I know...it's torture) then putting the food in front of him. He says "thank you" right away then gobbles it down only stopping to look at me occasionally as he eats. So providing food does it for all ages. Swimming has also helped because he needs me to help him get through the deeper areas. Matthew, Makenna and cousin Chloe like to hang on me and let me hold them in the pool, so he observed this and started competing for a chance to be near me. I try to play along with all the silly antics he comes up with to catch my attention. I also felt that he was missing his friends and he was getting frustrated trying to get in touch with them on the computer. So I helped him get signed on and he said he was able to get in touch with them...another point for me:)
In a way I am glad we were not able to bring the kids along on the trip to China. At first I thought it would break the ice and make it easier for Jinbao, however, there have been some jealousy issues on the part of Matthew and Makenna which surprised me, so I am glad we had the chance to adjust to Jinbao ourselves before dealing with the kids adjusting to each other. They also want to try to make him do what they want him to do...yeah, good luck with that! There have been a couple of fights between the kids, one that ended with Jinbao and Makenna crying hysterically and the other between Jinbao and Matthew that had Jinbao locking himself in the bathroom. It is difficult negotiating these situations with the translator app but I'm glad I had grandpa here to help. I think that I handled the fights fairly and Jinbao realized it, which also helped his trust in me. After each fight, the kids were able to make up and played like it never happened, so I hope we will continue to have progress with them all adjusting to each other. I return to work tomorrow for the weekend and Andrew will be watching the kids so I've warned him to really watch the dynamics between the kids so he can figure out how to handle a situation if it comes up because it's not always the fault of the new kid on the block. It just appears to be at the end because his temper gets the best of him. Here is a picture of them including cousin Chloe before getting in the pool this morning.....
Jinbao does not like to smile in pictures so when he forces it it looks unnatural! We have to catch his cute smile when he does not expect it.
We were surprised to receive some pictures from his teacher of his trip to Austria last October. There were a bunch of them but I will just post a few.
A spot in the driver's seat of the ''Polizei" car
A ride on the "Polizei" bike
Playing soccer....looks like he's got the moves
On the flight
On the sleeper train
A visit to Tianamen Square, Beijing
Thanks for following! Donna
