Well I wanted to post again because I wanted to say that Jinbao is doing much better over the last two days. I think he thought about everything we told him during the last meltdown. On Tuesday he went to school and was picked on by someone in his ESOL class. He told us about it that evening but much of it was lost in the translation, he was very frustrated and did not want to go back to school. We basically understood that the boy punched him in the cheek making him bleed in his mouth so he punched the kid back in the head. We explained to him that he needs to get away from someone who is bothering him and tell a teacher. Of course he said they do not understand him. I think he thought we were mad at him and he was in trouble but we were just trying to find out the details so we could tell the school. Wednesday he had a doctor appointment for shots. His Dr is great and speaks mandarin. She usually would not see children for the shots but she "feels" for him. She talked to him for quite a while about what is bothering him and was able to get more information about what happened in school. She also encouraged him that once he speaks English things will get easier. She also told him to call her if he needs to talk and that she will call him every once in a while to see how he is doing. We have decided to no longer use the translator or speak to him in Chinese at home (unless it is really important) to encourage him to learn english. So Thursday morning I went to school with him and talked to his ESOL teacher. The teachers were all informed to watch him and make sure they stay separated. The assistant principal also called me so she could get to the bottom of it. At first I think he thought he was in trouble while I was talking to the ESOL teacher, but looked relieved when I told him they were going to keep the other boy away from him. Maybe knowing that I stood up for him made him trust us more. He came out of school happy each day since then and tells me the names of all his friends. Then, when he gets home he sits right down and works diligently on his homework. He also hasn't argued with us since. So maybe we needed the meltdowns to make progress. Of course I am not expecting it to be all good from now on (but I wouldn't mind it)! Two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward and we will get there.
Thanks for following! Donna
Friday, September 7, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The honeymoon is over!
Wow, I didn't realize it's been almost a month since I posted. We have been very busy with school starting. Then Tropical Storm Issac gave us an unexpected punch. Even though we were under the outer bands of the storm, we had so much rain in such a short amount of time that the area we live in was flooded. We were trapped for only 3 days but the kids missed school for a week because it was not safe for parents to try to drive their kids to school or for the busses to pick them up. They will be heading back to school Tuesday but will have a lot of catch up work to do.
Well you are probably wondering why I titled this post "The Honeymoon is over". Sometimes with adoption the initial weeks/months are the hardest time but sometimes the initial weeks are easier because everything is new and interesting and the child wants to please the new parents. It is referred to as the Honeymoon period. As time goes by the reality sinks in and the child starts acting out. Well, we have hit that point. We are experiencing a stubborn, selfish, jealous, demanding, willful child that wants every minute of attention from us. At the same time we understand that he is grieving his lost life, having conflicting feelings about us and China, and he is afraid. He has also told us about abuse in the orphanage and how they tricked them into agreeing to be adopted. They say that you should determine their emotional age by the amount of time they have been with a family. He was with his family until 5 and another year in the foster home. That is about right, he behaves like a 6 year old in a 12 year old body. Even with all the training we go through to prepare for adoption and knowing we need to have empathy and patience for him, it is so hard when you have a 12 year old taking off from you in a restaurant, hiding under tables, dumping the salt and pepper out and banging on the table for attention! He had another meltdown yesterday because Matthew got to play on my iPad when he was using his nebulizer. Jinbao felt that Matthew should not use MY iPad because it had the games on it that Jinbao downloaded (without permission I should add). Thank goodness grandpa and Andrew were home because between the two of them they were able to get some very important points across to him. We will see if anything got through to him! I am mentioning all this not to complain but just to be honest about what really goes on with adoption. The other night Andrew and I just needed a break from it all and went out to a movie since grandpa was here and the kids were asleep. We chose The Odd Life of Timothy Green not knowing it had an adoption theme to it. Besides bawling my eyes out, I sat there partially feeling guilty for not having more patience, then questioning myself about not setting more boundaries early on so he could bond and adjust, then thinking about how the movie world paints a pretty picture about adoption. It's not reality, I knew this going in because of my experience with Makenna, but many do not. You can read all the books and prepare for the worst but it is so much harder in reality.
Anyway, we did go to Universal and Islands of Adventure for Makenna's birthday. We made the mistake of thinking he would enjoy it, and he did in a way, but I think it was just too overwhelming for him. He really wanted to go on the Rip Roaring Rocket with Andrew and Makenna and this was the result:
He declined going on any of the other big rides with Makenna after that!
Thanks for following! Donna
Well you are probably wondering why I titled this post "The Honeymoon is over". Sometimes with adoption the initial weeks/months are the hardest time but sometimes the initial weeks are easier because everything is new and interesting and the child wants to please the new parents. It is referred to as the Honeymoon period. As time goes by the reality sinks in and the child starts acting out. Well, we have hit that point. We are experiencing a stubborn, selfish, jealous, demanding, willful child that wants every minute of attention from us. At the same time we understand that he is grieving his lost life, having conflicting feelings about us and China, and he is afraid. He has also told us about abuse in the orphanage and how they tricked them into agreeing to be adopted. They say that you should determine their emotional age by the amount of time they have been with a family. He was with his family until 5 and another year in the foster home. That is about right, he behaves like a 6 year old in a 12 year old body. Even with all the training we go through to prepare for adoption and knowing we need to have empathy and patience for him, it is so hard when you have a 12 year old taking off from you in a restaurant, hiding under tables, dumping the salt and pepper out and banging on the table for attention! He had another meltdown yesterday because Matthew got to play on my iPad when he was using his nebulizer. Jinbao felt that Matthew should not use MY iPad because it had the games on it that Jinbao downloaded (without permission I should add). Thank goodness grandpa and Andrew were home because between the two of them they were able to get some very important points across to him. We will see if anything got through to him! I am mentioning all this not to complain but just to be honest about what really goes on with adoption. The other night Andrew and I just needed a break from it all and went out to a movie since grandpa was here and the kids were asleep. We chose The Odd Life of Timothy Green not knowing it had an adoption theme to it. Besides bawling my eyes out, I sat there partially feeling guilty for not having more patience, then questioning myself about not setting more boundaries early on so he could bond and adjust, then thinking about how the movie world paints a pretty picture about adoption. It's not reality, I knew this going in because of my experience with Makenna, but many do not. You can read all the books and prepare for the worst but it is so much harder in reality.
Anyway, we did go to Universal and Islands of Adventure for Makenna's birthday. We made the mistake of thinking he would enjoy it, and he did in a way, but I think it was just too overwhelming for him. He really wanted to go on the Rip Roaring Rocket with Andrew and Makenna and this was the result:
He declined going on any of the other big rides with Makenna after that!
Thanks for following! Donna
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